Poker Face

You never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind.
-- Author Unknown

Dear friend,

    There are no easy answers, no healing words of clarity. All I can give you are these words, from my heart to yours.
    I remember you as the first person I met outside of our first Beyond Borders class, and from what I noticed, you were certainly not one to hide in the shadows. I remember thinking of how you were one of the coolest, most individualistic people I have ever met: with your rolled up jeans, grey converse, and sweet long board. In an instant I tagged you as someone who marches to the beat of their own drummer, and I am happy to say my impressions were not wrong about you. Your vivacious personality and larger than life heart is what drew me to you, and is what makes you a truly inspirational person.
    When I think about it, it is unfortunate how little humans know about each others pain. They can sit in the same classroom for months and months, ride the same bus, hang out with the same friends even, but their pain will remain hidden, undiscovered by our ‘knowing’ eyes. In today’s class an idea was sparked in me and illuminated first hand — that we are truly the masters of the poker face. This mask shrouds our deepest anxieties, allows our true selves to walk unnoticed throughout the world, but it is not who we are. As connected as we are to it, and as much as we depend on it for our sanity and to keep comfort levels in line around us, that face is something alien to us.
    As I learn new things about you, a part of your mask begins to slip away, revealing your struggles but not your weaknesses. The other day you wrote me with a blog request, and here it is, in all its inadequacy. I am not sure what created the distance between you and your friend, nor do I claim to hold an omniscient view on where you should go from here, but what I do know is that you are a strong, powerful person that has the ability to direct her own path in life. We all try to fill various voids in our lives, in the hopes of eliminating the feelings of emptiness and sorrow we feel, but what we soon realize is that those fillers are just placeholders —they cannot disintegrate the pain, only mask it until another wave of sorrow hits. It is only when we stop aimlessly filling, and start reaching beneath the surface to the real issues that we begin to heal. You may feel like you do not know who you are without this person, that you are lost without him in your life, but what I see is not fragmentation or brokenness, but what it means to be human. Like many of us, you have a choice to make. It may be difficult, it may mean letting some of those walls down and reaching out to him despite the issue that separated you two, or it may mean realizing that there is no turning back, that the light is brighter on the other side. Moving forward does not necessarily mean eliminating your past from your current life, for the past, as I know too well, has a way of haunting the present. Moving forward means not letting the events of the past cripple the person you are or strive to be. I hope that in time you can heal from this pain, and move on to a place where you realize you are whole, with or without him. Maybe your placement in India will open you up to this, and I hope it does.
    Whatever happens, just remember that the crew and I will always be there —to listen and to love.
  
This brings me to a question regarding the person I will be when I am in Uganda: What face will I adorn? Will I open myself up to a population and culture I am not familiar with, one that may judge me or misunderstand me? Or will I cower, and let them see only what I let them see? I hope that I can take what I have learned from Beyond Borders and the wonderful friends in this program, and shed the poker face, to make this experience a real one.

Time To Let Go

   
     When you look at an object what do you see? Do you see the array of shapes and colours, compiled together like a geometric experiment? Do you envision how well it would look with that vintage shirt you have in your closet? The things that catch our eyes are not just things to us, they acquire meaning, and live out our experiences with us. Like loved ones or friends, it becomes difficult to let them go because they are no longer cotton or rayon. They transform, morph not in form or purpose, but in significance. Your favourite blue shirt becomes the night you first met the one, as he accidentally spilled his drink all over its fabric. Your dogs collar in the box in your closet becomes a marker of his presence in your world, despite his passing. The photograph of everyone laughing simultaneously at a joke that you no longer remember becomes a freeze frame of a moment where you felt blissfully happy. They are no longer objects to us, but become symbols of the memories we made, memories we fear of letting go. It is as if discarding them would mean that they did not exist, did not have a place in our lives at all.
    Now think about a friend or family member. Why are they important to you? Is it because it is your obligation to love them because you were born into their sphere? Or do you feel a connection to them because they somehow burrowed into your heart? When I think of my friends I think of tomato tattoos, tinfoil grills, toasters, and fishnets; I think of funny library dates where studying was the goal but not the outcome; I think of  ridiculous camping trips and high heeled breakfasts. All of these sporadic images come together to construct my reality, to mold my experience.
    Last Wednesday, at the Beyond Borders garage sale, a seemingly insignificant thing happened to make me contemplate these things. Powerhouse, Brieanne, brought in a bag that everyone seemed to want. She was about to make the sale, when her mind began to churn and her pulse began to quicken. Something inside her would not allow her to let the bag go. She explained to us that the more she thought about the bag, the more the memories came flooding back to her. The bag was her moms, and she had had it even before Brieanne was born. The bag was there, in the vicinity of the important mother-daughter moments she experienced, trips they took, memories they made. The association between the object and the experience is what she could not part with.
    This realization got me thinking about the past year, and the concerns that were raised in class about separating from significant others, family members, and friends, while abroad for the duration of 3 months. I know that several students are fearful of what the distance will do to their relationships, and afraid of not having someone to comfort them in their times of isolation and struggle in a foreign country, but I try to view it from another perspective: if they are important enough and if they stand by you despite the distance, then they will be there when you get back. If not, then they are not worth it in the first place. We cannot let our fears of things falling apart govern the shape of our experiences, for it is then that we begin to lose sight of who we are.
    No one promised smooth sailing or a walk in the park. There will be times when we will want to throw in the towel and give up. There will be times when we will break down from culture shock. There will be times when we will feel conflicted and scared, and made to question why we even came. That is simply the reality of an experience like this. I did not sign up to be a tourist, I could have gone to France or Italy for that: I signed up to be rattled. We are an evolutionary bunch, we will learn to cope and adapt. So as nervous as I am about letting go and missing those I leave behind, I know from experience that: what does not break you, makes you stronger.

The Pearl of Africa

  
      In the centre of it all is a place that I have heard of, a place like no other. It is not an oasis — pure and untainted, for it has been struck by the human hand, been smeared with pools of crimson red. But despite all that, despite the bloodshed and the loss, there is a rare beauty that thrives within its walls. A unique rhythm pulses through its earthly veins like an uncontrollable cascade of ghostly echoes. In the depths of the forest these echoes take the form of hooves scrimmaging over the terrain, or the swaying of prehensile hands through trees, like children playing on a jungle-gym. The sounds of people greeting and laughing one another can be heard humming through the villages and cities. Can you imagine a place like this? A place where captivation is not a goal but is an essence that can be felt there? Like the oyster that holds a hidden treasure, Africa too encases its precious pearl: Uganda.
    While I often make note of the struggles and hardship that exist in Uganda, I cannot disregard the splendours that exist on its 236 square kilometre surface. Although this plot of land is small in scale, it contains some of the most wondrous animal species, mountains, rivers, lakes, and people that subsist on Earth.

The Land and Climate
    Situated between the African countries of the Congo, Sudan, Kenya, Tanzania, and Rwanda, Uganda is in the middle of it all. Not only does it border with one of the largest lakes in the world —Lake Victoria, but the Nile river, the longest river on earth, also runs through it. These large bodies of water provide Uganda with its lush, green landscape, and allow for over 500 species of mammal to thrive there. The climate in Uganda is quite hot, with an average temperature of 26 degrees Celsius during the day, and 15 degrees Celsius at night. The rainy season takes place during the months of March until May, with an average rainfall of 175mm per month. June to September are the drier months, so it will be interesting to experience this shift when I am there.

The Mountains and Wildlife
    Mt. Stanley in the Rwenzori Mountains, linked on the western edge of Uganda with the Congo, is the tallest mountain in Africa. Despite the tremendous heat within the country, The Rwenzori Mountains are capped with ice and glaciers which adds a nice contrast to the beautiful landscape. While we think of the obvious: elephants, lions, rhinos, zebras, and giraffes circulating the land, I was pleasantly shocked to discover that Uganda is the home of half the worlds remaining Mountain gorilla population (the total being roughly 900 gorillas). In Uganda, this population lives in the Bwindi Impenetrable National Park. For some of you bird lovers out there, Uganda also hosts over 1000 bird species, and is one the most renowned bird-watching destinations in the world.

The People
    With an approximate population of  33 million people, Uganda is quite crowded. However, this allows for a large variety of ethic tribal groups to subside there —the largest being Baganda, which consists of 17% of the population. The official languages of Uganda are English and Swahili; however, in Mbuya where I will be staying, the predominantly spoken language is Luganda. The prevalent religion in Uganda is Christianity, with 85% of the population believing in this faith.

    I cannot wait to see all that this gem of a country has to offer!   

For more information:
    Fitzpatrick, Mary, Tim Bewer, and Matthew Firestone. East Africa. 8th ed., Lonely Planet, 2009. Print.
    http://www.state.gov/r/pa/ei/bgn/2963.htm
    http://www.nationsencyclopedia.com/Africa/Uganda-ETHNIC-GROUPS.html

Are These the Faces of Evil?

    History is seared into the memories of all those who have witnessed, have experienced, and have suffered through the catastrophic events that have shaped their countries. Sometimes we wonder how such events can ever occur, how someone can let an idea of power get so large in their head that they disregard all human life to attain it. The political history of Uganda is one that truly saddens and appals me. It makes me wonder if any substantial change can ever truly occur in a place so devastated by bloodshed.

    Since the history of Uganda is extensive, I will mention only the events and upheavals that occurred since October 9, 1962, after Uganda gained its independence from Britain under the leadership of Milton Obote, the leader of the coalition sector of the National Assembly. Prior to his leadership Uganda was a centralized state governed by tribal based kingdoms. Like many leaders; however, Obote became hungry for absolute power. This yearning caused him to suspend the constitution present in Uganda at the time, and remove the current vice president from office. In September 1967, Uganda was formed into a republic.
    Armed forces commander, Idi Amin Dada, appreciated this change I am sure, and took it in his own hands to snatch the power away from Obote by expelling him from the country, dissolving the parliament set in place, and tweaking the constitution to give him absolute power and authority. Amin is known to be one of the most gruesome presidents in the world due to the large economic decline he produced, along with the social collapse and massive human rights violations he implemented. In 1978, the International Commissions of Jurists estimated 100,000 or more Ugandan casualties during is 8 year reign of terror, where he targeted anyone who was in support of Obote, primarily the Acholi and Langi ethnic groups. In April 1979, Amin was forced into exile after is attempt to storm into Tanzania was stopped by Tanzanian armed forces, and after they captured Uganda’s capital city, Kampala.
    After this expulsion that resulted in the dishevelment of leadership in Uganda, the Uganda National Liberation Front formed a temporary government and created the National Consultative Commission (NCC). Following this instalment, several leaders were appointed but shortly dismissed and replaced, as their desire for power grew too large. Interestingly enough Obote was re-elected, and his reign proved to be one of the world’s worst periods in history because of the horrible human rights violations and persecutions that occurred. In an attempt to prevent rebellion from the National Resistance Army (NRA), led by Yomeri Museveni, Obote ordered his security force to destruct and lay waste to large portions of the Ugandan landscape. This created many of the food production and growth related issues that the poor Ugandans currently must suffer with.
    Obote was expelled for the second time in July 1985, and went into exile in Zambia after Kampala was captured by General Tito Okello, leader of the Acholi troups, who wanted to make the government of Uganda into a military government. Okello created negotiations with Museveni and the NRA and pledged to have improvements in human rights, which he then disregarded as he went on to murder civilians or anyone who was in support of the NRA. In January 1985, the NRA seized control of Kampala and forced Okello to flee to Sudan.
    Museveni and the NRA then formed the National Resistance Movement (NRM) which ensured his sole power over Uganda by limiting the power given to the governments political parties. While elections were held, and most people petitioned against electing Museveni as president, he managed to get win against Kizza Besigye, the Democratic opposition, by creating restrictions, enforcing violence, fraud, and using intimidation tactics to rig his votes. On February 18, 2011, Museveni was re-elected for the forth time.
    It is said that the injustices and abuses of human rights significantly decreased after he was put into power, with greater economic liberations and freedom of the press initiations. As you may have read in one of my previous blogs, freedom of the press in Uganda is not exactly the kind of freedom Canadians experience. The people given the a voice to express are often those corrupted individuals who suffer from prejudices, and the news they freely provide can spark violent uprisings, like the one against gay activist David Kato. I assume these economic liberations are too not in correspondence with our ideas of liberation.
    During this time the Lord Resistance Army (LRA), led by Joseph Kony, increased its might across the land, as they tried to overthrow the Ugandan government. From 1986 to 2006, until the LRA were final barred from Uganda by the military in 2005, the LRA brutally massacred thousands, and abducted and displaced approximately 1.8 million Uganda’s. Their atrocious, inhumane acts include sexual slavery, mutilation, murder, and kidnapping children in order to turn them into rebel fighters. Today the LRA still exists and reigns havoc in the neighbouring African countries of Sudan and the Congo.

    I do not know if I will ever be able to understand how such atrocities can exist in our world. Maybe they are unexplainable, simple not to be understood in the context that I would like to look at them in. All I can do is hope that one day innocent people will not have to suffer and die due to an individuals bloodthirsty urge for power.


For more information visit:
http://www.state.gov/r/pa/ei/bgn/2963.htm