You Are Stronger Then You Think You Are

    Life is full of unrecognized opportunities. Opportunities we let slip from our fingers because of fears we let govern our lives. Those fears cripple us, force us into corners where our deeply rooted desires and dreams are suppressed. We walk around feeling like shells because what we fear most of all is jumping out of the comforts of our lives, and jumping into something unfamiliar-- an uncharted territory, a road less traveled. If we think about the sublimity of a vast ocean --the depths, the darkness-- we fear what may be hiding beneath the surface. Fears like this take over our bodies and our minds, creating shackles that we ourselves fasten. They prevent us from rising up to our full potential and acting against the injustices we see in the world. I have lived a life of fear for most of my life. In all honesty, I still live life this way. I let my dreams fall by the wayside, let the uncertainties of life create uncertainties within myself. It is true what they say, we are our own worse enemies. I know this because I feel it every time I get an idea in my head. The little voice comes out, “you are not good enough, you can’t do this”.
    The day I heard about Beyond Borders was one of the scariest days of my life, not because I learned of the challenges that I may face living alone in a foreign, impoverished country, but because it was an opportunity I knew I wanted so badly, an opportunity that I knew would be challenged by the little devil within myself, coming to persuade me to cower like I always do. I fought every ounce of doubt, because for the first time I was not going to let the fear win. This is my life, I will live it.
    The first step I took was applying and receiving an interview. Those who know me know that I am terrified of interviews. I will avoid them at all costs. It is hard to persuade people to believe in you when you do not fully believe in yourself. I told myself I was not going to get it, told myself that if I did not get accepted I would leave the University of Waterloo, and hope for more luck in Toronto. Yes, a part of it was me running. When I got accepted I was both filled with joy and panic, because I knew this meant I would have to face those demons that have been harboured in me for so long. They could no longer be shoved in a corner. I remember the night before our first class last term vividly, I did not sleep a wink. I could not let go of the thoughts of inadequacy for an experience like this. Our first class I could barely introduce myself without stuttering. Next, the dreaded presentation. In high school I nearly blacked out twice while presenting, so you can imagine how thrilled I was at the concept of potentially doing it a third time. I did not even go overseas yet, and I already faced some of the biggest challenges I could imagine for myself. To some these are like walking on a cloud, but they pushed me beyond belief.
    I was hoping, in this blog, to describe the ‘simple acts of kindness’ that I have completed over the Christmas break, but that will have to wait until next time, since I like to go off in tangents! I will instead leave you with a final thought. For all those who are trapped in the chambers you yourselves create: there is a way out. Fight for all the dreams you have, and do not let the opportunities slip through your fingers. It is the biggest injustice you can do to yourself.