Hoarders

Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are. - Chinese Proverb

Pressure and stress is the common cold of the psyche. - Andrew Denton

    Humans are hoarders. Not of ratty, old clothes, or torn slips of scribbled on paper, or even boxed up memories, but of stress. We fill our minds like we do our closets. Stuff all our pains and tensions into one confined space. As an obstacle arises, we push it to the very back of that confined space so that we do not have to face it right away. What happens when that closet can no longer hold its contents? Will it simply explode or will it, like some work of magic, expand to hold what we force it to hold?
    This morning I felt like this metaphoric closet of mine was about to explode as I was reminded of what still needs to be done prior to departure. I could not help but zone out at times, as I began to feel my stress levels rise and could not channel it into something positive. Maybe that is the suppressor in me, shoving my tensions in the back of the closet. The thoughts of finances, immunization shots, flight arrangements, fundraising initiatives, filling out scholarships, finding answers to my questions, juggled between a full five subject course-load and work, hit me hard. I do not even know where to start, and that is what makes it overwhelming. There is so much to do and so little time to do it. What challenges me is not the task itself, but it is the stress of getting it all done that holds me back. I have never been very good at time management, although I am exceptional at procrastination and indecisiveness.
    Over the years I have acquired this not so pleasant art. It is as if my mind cannot function properly, cannot spit out what it needs to say until the pressure is on and time is ticking to a close. This procrastination is something I desperately need to work on, because it does nothing but make me stagnate and makes the tensions rise within my body. I thrive on pressure, but I wish I did not have to. This stress is something that I need to learn to mediate, especially now as my placement in Uganda inches closer and closer.
    There, I will not be able to push things back like I do way too often here, for I will be thrust into situations that may require rapid decision making and initiated actions. This scares me, but what I have learned this past year after some reflecting, is that juices flow when you are invested in something you love and when it is something you are passionate about. The beauty of words and how they can be strung together to create a tremendous effect is what kept me in my major; however, I often find myself bored. The courses that are required of me do not stimulate my mind like a good book or song does, and that is where my passion wavers. I feel like my brain retains nothing in those instances, and writers block ensues.
    My goal for the rest of this term is to somehow let go of some of those stresses; learn that I am not superwoman, I cannot do everything all at once. All I can do is remember how passionate I am about what the Beyond Borders students are trying to achieve, and take baby steps in order to meet my goal!